Why have I not been updating my blog at all recently?
Busy, and I've been avoiding solving my problems through websites and people I know online. I feel as if its time I leave a certain group of people behind, and if you're on that particular website you know who you are. Not because they were bad people, or gave poor advice, or for any other reason, but because they were too good at giving advice, and too nice. One thing I fear in my life is technology alienation from real people, and I've lately been forcing myself to deal with my problems by myself or with people I know personally.
Why now?
Just felt I needed to vent a little, particularly about university. This is the main body of this post.
Why do I need to vent?
I'm afraid.
Going off to university is such a crazy thing for me. I get away from my constricting family. I get away from my home town. I get a new start.
So why am I scared?
Because things here were finally starting to go well for me. I have friends that I like, for the first time ever. But for some reason I still feel like I don't fit in.
I haven't felt like I fit in in a long time.
I honestly can't think of a group of people where I feel I fit in. Why? I'm not sure, but I always feel I'm an outsider.
I don't want to be destined to be a loner. I don't want that in my life. Will that happen in university? I'm not sure.
I have fun. People like me. So what makes me such an outsider all the time?
What really scares me is not fitting in at university. I hate being an outsider, it really sucks.
But then again, maybe I'm not an outsider. Maybe I just have confidence or self-esteem issues. Wouldn't be surprised, but I also don't want to be playing catch-up confidence wise. I constantly feel unhappy when I'm not around people. It sucks feeling the people you want to be close to slip through your fingers due to texts not returned, opportunities missed, etc.
Either way though, I move on come september. Not leaving much behind here, but I hope that university goes better.
We'll see what happens, and I'm sure I'll write more, but I injured my finger while drunk and can't type too well haha.
Any replies are as always appreciated!
